So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
it's like iHOP with fire
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
