people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just want to make out with him forever
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
