i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Holy sore nipples Batman
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
