I am puke
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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