The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
