like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
