I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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