he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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