wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
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We talked him into tasing himself.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
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I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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