connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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