So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We need a shit load of segways right now
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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