If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
