i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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