Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
