She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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