When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
