What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
