Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
