It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
