Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
