wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
