so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
