just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I am mentally ready for anal.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
