Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
