If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
