using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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