using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize