The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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