i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
