Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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