She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
