HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
