Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
