just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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