please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I wear drunk well.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
