How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
