I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
