I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
