I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Pants are for mortals
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
