Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
