Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
