She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
