ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
