R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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