mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
40s are totally the cure
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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