ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
