I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
