summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
