You're completely useless in the revolution.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
