but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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