If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
