so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
either way he was missing a nipple.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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