is your mom at the bar?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Bring me that man meat
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
