It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
