I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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