if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
