what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
