I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
