there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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