Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She even gives head with a lisp.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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