is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
