What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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