duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
