fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
