he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
