I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
