then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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