what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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