i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize