I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
