Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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